Wild Goose Chases

Have you ever been on a wild goose chase? Or, better yet, snipe hunting? We used to go snipe hunting as a kid and had tons of fun with it. I don't remember the first snipe hunt I went on, but I do remember a few of the times that I did. We used to get these paper sacks, go out in the country, along with some unsuspecting friends (mainly females!!! LOL!), run around in the dark and throw a rock or something similar in to the sack and yell "I got one!". It was very entertaining. and lots of fun.

Life, I think, is sometimes like a "snipe hunt". In a sense, faith is that way. You know it's there, You feel like you have it. But yet, in this form, you can't see feel or touch it. You just got to believe! It's there, It's real, and how awesome it will be some day.

Love you all!!!

Preston

Standing on the Promises of God!

I know, I'm doubling up today. But I had a thought that I wanted to share with ya'll.



Standing on the Promises of God!



What a statement! What are we standing on if we're not standing on those promises? Here's a few examples that come to mind:

1. Our jobs. What promise do we have there?

2. Our success. What is our success if we're not standing on His promises?

3. The world. The world would like us to think that our promises are anywhere but in HIM.

4. Our Government. Now, Hillary is going to gives us a whopping .18 cents on our fuel for July! Now there's a promise! LOL!

5. Ourselves. I don't know how many times I have been let down by my own promises.

6. Our families. Although they mean well, those promises fall from time to time.

7. Our friends. Again, our good friends mean well but they still have psuedopromises.

8. My college degree. What promises are there?

9. Our possessions. In the event of a tornado or fire they are gone!

10. Law. Now that's a deep subject there. But law promises us nothing!



Now let's look at a few promises God has given.

1. Sancitfication

2. Grace

3. Mercy

4. Dead to sin

5. Faith

6. A heavenly place prepared for us.

7. The Holy Spirit to live in us.

8. Righteousness

9. Cleanliness

10. Success



I can look at these list, very incomplete list, and see which promises I want to stand on!



Ok it's song time!



598.....Five hundred ninty-eight.... Standing on the Promises!



Standing on the promises of Christ my King, Thro' eternal ages let his praises ring: Glory in the highest I will shout and sing, standing on the promises of God.



Standing on the promises that cannot fail, When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail, By the living word of God I shall prevail, Standing on the promises of God.



Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord, Bound to him eternally by love's strong cord, Overcoming daily by the Spirit's sword, Standing on the promises of God.



Standing on the promises I cannot fail, List'ning every moment to the Spirit's call, Resting in my Savior as my all in all, Standing on the promises of God.



Chorus: Standing, standing, Standing on the promises of God, Standing, Standing, I'm standing on the promises of God.



I struggle in standing in the right promises daily. Just a little something for those of you have share in my struggles!!!



Love all of you!



P

More Paxil Withdrawals

I share this with you because these withdrawal symptoms are for real.

If anyone who reads this is contemplating getting on Paxil or "weaning" (and I emphasize the weaning part) off of it, READ! There is tons of stuff on the net both ways. I probably didn't follow exact protocol in getting off.

I am learning that Paxil is one of the harshest anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs on the market. The side effects are harsh and the withdrawals are even worse.

My problem is that I don't want to take any kind of drug to help me "deal" with life. Some of my decisions I made in life warranted the "getting on" the drug. I just don't believe that God wired us to have to take these drugs daily to cope. HE IS ENOUGH! I am so glad that HE is in my life. I have an awesome support staff that is helping me through this.

Here are some links that you can read:
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/symptoms.htm
http://www.join-the-fun.com/paxil-withdrawal-symptoms.html
http://counsellingresource.com/medications/drug-pages/paroxetine.html
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/voices.htm
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/success.htm

This is a very harsh drug. The side effects and withdrawal symptoms are real!

I need your prayers in getting past these symptoms. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal! I have way too much to live for. I know that! I make lists nightly of things that I'm grateful for. And make list of answered prayers! They are good list. Satan rears his head up at goofy times. He had me once, but he's not getting me again!!!

Sorry for the seriousness of this blog today. I want this to be a "happy" place for people to come to and get lifted spiritually.

Also, if you are contemplating getting on or off of Paxil, talk to me. I'm not an expert by any means, but I am an "ear to hear".

Remember two thing here!
1. God doesn't make junk!
2. Jesus didn't die for junk!

Success

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with the definition of "success" and what it means to me. I think I have put some meaning into that today:



To turn out well.

To obtain an object.



So many times, success has to do with earthly possessions. That's not it at all. I have tried my fool headed hardest to make it that. I have spent so much of my life trying to "please" everyone, and I mean everyone, that I lost touch with the true meaning. Success to me was to be every one's friend. For everyone to like "me". To please them all. It's a vicious circle. Like the "crazy wheel". My friend Kurt and I talk about women who are on the "crazy wheel". Those women who just can't seem to get enough of drama and craziness in their lives that they just keep going round and around.



I was on that crazy wheel for much of my life. I have stuck a stick in it a few times to try and make it stop, but the weight of "craziness" just snaps it off and starts rolling again. I have found that solid steel "brace" to make it stop. Christ. My faith, so many times, has been in me and what I could earn $ wise. What kind of toys I could or couldn't afford, but get them anyway. What my friends expected of me. What my granddad expected of me. Never what God expected of me. Never one time, did I ever stop to think "what would God's will" be?



I can't say that I have all the answers yet. Nor will I ever have "all" the answers. But in Christ Jesus, I am redeemed!



Let's visit what I have for a definition for success:



To turn out well. That's huge! To turn out "well" to me is my journey. This journey here on earth. James 4:13 and 14 sums it up! Now listen, (pay attention, James is about to say something important here) you who say, "today or tomorrow we will go to this city or that city, carry on business and make money". 14 Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? (here's the point) You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.



The King James version calls us a "vapour". A vapor.



Have you ever seen a release of anhydrous ammonia or Propane? The liquid is coming out of the hose near the release point. But just a few inches from there, the liquid turns to a vapor and then mixes with the atmosphere till you can't even smell it any more. A vapor. We are but a vapor. I like that! We won't be here for more than our allotted time. It is number well before we are conceived. See, God created us. He loves us, takes care of us, even when we don't want him to. He knew we were coming. We are his plan. And he knows when we are leaving this earth.



So to turn out well is getting to heaven! At all cost! And to make sure our kids get there.



To obtain an object. FAITH! Faith is the object. Our Faith is in our Hope. Our Faith is in the tomb! And It's still empty!!! Our faith is in a nail in each hand and one through the feet.

Romans 8:1 "Now, There is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus. FAITH! We can't touch it, we can't see it, we can't even taste it. But it's there.



I have to quit using words in my mind like "do my best" and "do all I can do". To do a good job per the situation.



Matthew 25:21 "His master replied 'well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master's happiness."

Just to be faithful with a few things. That is tough. But I will "do a good job per the situation".

In memory of Donnie Cruse

Just some random thoughts here at, well, almost noon!

I just laid to rest a dear friend and brother. Do you know where Flomot is? In case you don't, it's east of Lockney about 30 miles. "Off the Caprock" most of us say. It is a ghost of a community. Lots of Americana. 2 abandoned gins, an old school that has since been converted to a "community center", a small post office that has a crop insurance agency inside, and 2 churches. The 2 churches are what is keeping the community on the map. One is a Church of Christ the other a Baptist. Just good ole country folks left there.

Donnie Cruse has been my friend for 10 years now. I first met him on a turn row just east of Flomot with his brother Darrell. Farmers and ranchers and true Christian men. Their family is a benchmark for what "family" is all about. They chose to stay behind when many of their friends and neighbors left Flomot to seek success. To etch out a living and raise their children there.

Donnie was diagnosed with cancer about 5 years ago. He took some radiation and chemo treatments. Absolutely hated how it made him feel. He was a lover of the land. A true sportsman in every since of the word. Hunting and fishing with his "boys" and friends is what he lived for. And to teach people about Jesus. The small church where they worshipped was like taking a step back in time. A one room church building, nothing more than a place to worship. I helped them build the baptistry on about 6 years ago. Until then, if you wanted to obey the gospel, you went to a pool of water, either in a near by creek (if it had rained in the past week) or the swimming pool, in either Turkey or Roaring Springs.

Donnie chose a couple of years ago, when the cancer raised it's wicked head again, to bypass the treatments and just live! And Live every day for Christ he did.

There is a message here. I don't claim to know about all of the message. But what I came away with was this. There are only a few things of importance on this earth. Your relationship with God and your family. I haven't always lived the "perfect" life, but who has? I haven't always been the best husband and dad that I could have been. Today is a new day! I just got to make the best of what I do have. I have to continue in this walk with HIM, and make sure that my kids know I love them and that they know who God is and why he sent His son.

Paxil Withdrawals

Let me tell you a "short" story on how I came to be on Paxil, 6 years ago. The summer of 2002, to say the least, was traumatic. Let's back up a year. In August of 2001, I was terminated from a position and company that I loved. I started a new job on September 10, 2001, for a long time competitor. Then we all know what happened to us all the next day. I had a step-brother and two close friends that traveled extensively in their jobs. It was well after noon that day before I found all of them safe and sound, one stranded in the Houston airport, but safe. On Thanksgiving day, my favorite grandmother suddenly had, what we think, was a heart attack. She and my grandfather were in Albuquerque for the holiday. She had passed before paramedics could arrive. In February, I had a visit! An 18 year old boy showed up at my doorstep one night. He was my son! I didn't even know he existed till then. In August of that same year, my granddad moved a woman into his home, outside of marriage, and ran all of us grandkids away. In the mean time, I was in an abusive marriage (just now figuring this out) and reached the end of my rope. My wife told me I was going to have to get some help or she was leaving. I got counseling, and, began the "medicating" of my brain.

I started out on Paxil. Moved up to max dosage in about 2 months. I will admit, Paxil helped me to focus, stop my "anxiety attacks", and helped me in my walk with God. After about 2 years, everything started going flat. I had lost my competitive edge, a desire to "be good" and become just really flat, some say I was depressed. So we changed to Celexa, welbutrin, and one other that I can't remember (not all of these at once, just trying to find one that fit). Now, I am a man, so remember the sexual side effects thing. I finally settled on Celexa. It kinda fit everything but not really. If that makes sense.

Roll forward to the 2nd week in December 2006. My wife tells me that she does not want me to go with her to her parents for Christmas that year. That she needs some time to "think". She tells me that she's not real sure that she loves me any more. So, still on the drug, I go into this panic mode. "What have I done?". She leaves Christmas morning for her parents. I stay at home all that week, beating myself up for failing in my marriage. She comes home New Years Eve to tell me she wants a divorce. More panic on my part and complete disbelief. I am grasping at anything to "stay alive". Don't misunderstand, there were no "suicidal thoughts", just "why is this happening to me" kinda stuff. I go back for more professional therapy and back to Paxil. Because Paxil is "very anxiety focused" type of drug. I find Jesus, and latch onto the Gospel for the first time in my life. Now remember, I was raised up in the Church, but never understood OR was taught what the Gospel was all about. Even though I was in crisis mode, I never felt better about my sanctification. The Paxil came to my rescue again. Partly (I am convinced) because of my new found faith in Christ, and the Paxil, All was good for a while. The divorce was final on May 9th. In late October of 2007, I was approached, by a well established company, to go to work for them. So, I did. Life could not have been better. Then I began this "flattening out" mode again. Again, I think I am depressed again. I have no competitiveness about me, no real desires, just in a survival mode. I change therapist because, obviously, I'm heading back down the same ole road again. She begins to explain the effects of Paxil, long term. The flatness, the "just survive", dead head scenario. Makes sense to me, so I began to take myself off the Paxil. I start by taking 1/2 dose for 2 weeks, then I am headed to Dallas for a meeting and I forgot to bring my Paxil with me. So, I decide to just "quit" taking it now.

I am so glad that I have made it thus far in life with the only real habit I have is Copenhagen. Cause had I known what this ride was going to be like, I don't think i would have done it. In some of the web sights they call it "extremely vivid" dreams? It is nothing other than hallucinations. I would wake up screaming, thinking there were people in my room "watching" me sleep. The insomnia is crazy. I went 3 straight weeks with no more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Pure exhaustion during the day. Afraid to take a nap, cause I wanted to sleep at night. The brain and body "shocks". Nausea, diarrhea, it was all there, full bore. If it wasn't for my faith, I really don't think I could have made it through all of the withdrawal symptoms. And my faith was put to the test!

It has been 5 weeks now since I have taken any Paxil. I still suffer from the brain and body "shocks". The insomnia is getting better. The anxiety attacks are fewer. I really haven't experienced the drastic mood swings because I have focused really hard on keeping that in check.

By now, I bet you're wondering why I'm writing about this. Well, if there is anyone out there contemplating getting off Paxil, you have a friend. I highly recommend "googling" paxil withdrawal symptoms and reading up on it. Talk to your doctor about it. Get a reduction plan in place. DON'T JUST DO IT! I am living proof! It is tough. I am blessed with having a good therapist and an awesome support staff in my Christian brothers and sisters here in Lockney that have been there for me every step of the way. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. Talk to me about it. I am not an expert, but I am a pretty good listener.

First and foremost, get right with God! He will also guide you. He will not leave you hanging. Trust me, if it weren't for God's grace, and my faith in that, I would have probably already gotten back on the stuff.