Success

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with the definition of "success" and what it means to me. I think I have put some meaning into that today:



To turn out well.

To obtain an object.



So many times, success has to do with earthly possessions. That's not it at all. I have tried my fool headed hardest to make it that. I have spent so much of my life trying to "please" everyone, and I mean everyone, that I lost touch with the true meaning. Success to me was to be every one's friend. For everyone to like "me". To please them all. It's a vicious circle. Like the "crazy wheel". My friend Kurt and I talk about women who are on the "crazy wheel". Those women who just can't seem to get enough of drama and craziness in their lives that they just keep going round and around.



I was on that crazy wheel for much of my life. I have stuck a stick in it a few times to try and make it stop, but the weight of "craziness" just snaps it off and starts rolling again. I have found that solid steel "brace" to make it stop. Christ. My faith, so many times, has been in me and what I could earn $ wise. What kind of toys I could or couldn't afford, but get them anyway. What my friends expected of me. What my granddad expected of me. Never what God expected of me. Never one time, did I ever stop to think "what would God's will" be?



I can't say that I have all the answers yet. Nor will I ever have "all" the answers. But in Christ Jesus, I am redeemed!



Let's visit what I have for a definition for success:



To turn out well. That's huge! To turn out "well" to me is my journey. This journey here on earth. James 4:13 and 14 sums it up! Now listen, (pay attention, James is about to say something important here) you who say, "today or tomorrow we will go to this city or that city, carry on business and make money". 14 Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? (here's the point) You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.



The King James version calls us a "vapour". A vapor.



Have you ever seen a release of anhydrous ammonia or Propane? The liquid is coming out of the hose near the release point. But just a few inches from there, the liquid turns to a vapor and then mixes with the atmosphere till you can't even smell it any more. A vapor. We are but a vapor. I like that! We won't be here for more than our allotted time. It is number well before we are conceived. See, God created us. He loves us, takes care of us, even when we don't want him to. He knew we were coming. We are his plan. And he knows when we are leaving this earth.



So to turn out well is getting to heaven! At all cost! And to make sure our kids get there.



To obtain an object. FAITH! Faith is the object. Our Faith is in our Hope. Our Faith is in the tomb! And It's still empty!!! Our faith is in a nail in each hand and one through the feet.

Romans 8:1 "Now, There is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus. FAITH! We can't touch it, we can't see it, we can't even taste it. But it's there.



I have to quit using words in my mind like "do my best" and "do all I can do". To do a good job per the situation.



Matthew 25:21 "His master replied 'well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master's happiness."

Just to be faithful with a few things. That is tough. But I will "do a good job per the situation".

In memory of Donnie Cruse

Just some random thoughts here at, well, almost noon!

I just laid to rest a dear friend and brother. Do you know where Flomot is? In case you don't, it's east of Lockney about 30 miles. "Off the Caprock" most of us say. It is a ghost of a community. Lots of Americana. 2 abandoned gins, an old school that has since been converted to a "community center", a small post office that has a crop insurance agency inside, and 2 churches. The 2 churches are what is keeping the community on the map. One is a Church of Christ the other a Baptist. Just good ole country folks left there.

Donnie Cruse has been my friend for 10 years now. I first met him on a turn row just east of Flomot with his brother Darrell. Farmers and ranchers and true Christian men. Their family is a benchmark for what "family" is all about. They chose to stay behind when many of their friends and neighbors left Flomot to seek success. To etch out a living and raise their children there.

Donnie was diagnosed with cancer about 5 years ago. He took some radiation and chemo treatments. Absolutely hated how it made him feel. He was a lover of the land. A true sportsman in every since of the word. Hunting and fishing with his "boys" and friends is what he lived for. And to teach people about Jesus. The small church where they worshipped was like taking a step back in time. A one room church building, nothing more than a place to worship. I helped them build the baptistry on about 6 years ago. Until then, if you wanted to obey the gospel, you went to a pool of water, either in a near by creek (if it had rained in the past week) or the swimming pool, in either Turkey or Roaring Springs.

Donnie chose a couple of years ago, when the cancer raised it's wicked head again, to bypass the treatments and just live! And Live every day for Christ he did.

There is a message here. I don't claim to know about all of the message. But what I came away with was this. There are only a few things of importance on this earth. Your relationship with God and your family. I haven't always lived the "perfect" life, but who has? I haven't always been the best husband and dad that I could have been. Today is a new day! I just got to make the best of what I do have. I have to continue in this walk with HIM, and make sure that my kids know I love them and that they know who God is and why he sent His son.

Thank You!

Thank You, God, For loving me! You made your only Son sin for me.


I know you know that. I just can't even begin to understand it.

Just, Thanks!!!!

I love you and need you!

Preston

Eagles Live

I'm not real sure about the year this album was released. Eagles Live! During my run tonight, I got to thinking how many different formats I have listened to this album on. I can remember that I was a sophomore in high school when I first owned the "album". I then got it on 8-track so that I could listen while "draggin main" in Quanah. Sometime during my senior year, we got cassette players in our rides. I will never forget my step-dad telling us "they will never stop making 8-tracks!". He thought we had lost our minds for buying stereos for our pickups that had cassette players. So I had to get Eagles Live on cassette! MANY years later, I bought a car that had a cd player in it. So, guess what! Eagles Live it was as my first CD purchase. (it was just last year that this happened) Now I have it on my ipod.

What a scream!


preston

Ok, Not so serious today!

In Lockney right now it is 104 and the wind is blowing about 40 mph! It's like a convection oven out there!

Just some random stuff today.

Romans 8:1
Therefore, there is NOW NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!

Just how does that make you feel? It makes me feel redeemed! I can face the rest of the day!

1 john 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that WE should be called Children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that IT did not know him!

How cool is that? He so loves us that we can be called His children! I'm not worthy, but I like it!


Thanks for reading today!!!

Preston

Paxil Withdrawals

Let me tell you a "short" story on how I came to be on Paxil, 6 years ago. The summer of 2002, to say the least, was traumatic. Let's back up a year. In August of 2001, I was terminated from a position and company that I loved. I started a new job on September 10, 2001, for a long time competitor. Then we all know what happened to us all the next day. I had a step-brother and two close friends that traveled extensively in their jobs. It was well after noon that day before I found all of them safe and sound, one stranded in the Houston airport, but safe. On Thanksgiving day, my favorite grandmother suddenly had, what we think, was a heart attack. She and my grandfather were in Albuquerque for the holiday. She had passed before paramedics could arrive. In February, I had a visit! An 18 year old boy showed up at my doorstep one night. He was my son! I didn't even know he existed till then. In August of that same year, my granddad moved a woman into his home, outside of marriage, and ran all of us grandkids away. In the mean time, I was in an abusive marriage (just now figuring this out) and reached the end of my rope. My wife told me I was going to have to get some help or she was leaving. I got counseling, and, began the "medicating" of my brain.

I started out on Paxil. Moved up to max dosage in about 2 months. I will admit, Paxil helped me to focus, stop my "anxiety attacks", and helped me in my walk with God. After about 2 years, everything started going flat. I had lost my competitive edge, a desire to "be good" and become just really flat, some say I was depressed. So we changed to Celexa, welbutrin, and one other that I can't remember (not all of these at once, just trying to find one that fit). Now, I am a man, so remember the sexual side effects thing. I finally settled on Celexa. It kinda fit everything but not really. If that makes sense.

Roll forward to the 2nd week in December 2006. My wife tells me that she does not want me to go with her to her parents for Christmas that year. That she needs some time to "think". She tells me that she's not real sure that she loves me any more. So, still on the drug, I go into this panic mode. "What have I done?". She leaves Christmas morning for her parents. I stay at home all that week, beating myself up for failing in my marriage. She comes home New Years Eve to tell me she wants a divorce. More panic on my part and complete disbelief. I am grasping at anything to "stay alive". Don't misunderstand, there were no "suicidal thoughts", just "why is this happening to me" kinda stuff. I go back for more professional therapy and back to Paxil. Because Paxil is "very anxiety focused" type of drug. I find Jesus, and latch onto the Gospel for the first time in my life. Now remember, I was raised up in the Church, but never understood OR was taught what the Gospel was all about. Even though I was in crisis mode, I never felt better about my sanctification. The Paxil came to my rescue again. Partly (I am convinced) because of my new found faith in Christ, and the Paxil, All was good for a while. The divorce was final on May 9th. In late October of 2007, I was approached, by a well established company, to go to work for them. So, I did. Life could not have been better. Then I began this "flattening out" mode again. Again, I think I am depressed again. I have no competitiveness about me, no real desires, just in a survival mode. I change therapist because, obviously, I'm heading back down the same ole road again. She begins to explain the effects of Paxil, long term. The flatness, the "just survive", dead head scenario. Makes sense to me, so I began to take myself off the Paxil. I start by taking 1/2 dose for 2 weeks, then I am headed to Dallas for a meeting and I forgot to bring my Paxil with me. So, I decide to just "quit" taking it now.

I am so glad that I have made it thus far in life with the only real habit I have is Copenhagen. Cause had I known what this ride was going to be like, I don't think i would have done it. In some of the web sights they call it "extremely vivid" dreams? It is nothing other than hallucinations. I would wake up screaming, thinking there were people in my room "watching" me sleep. The insomnia is crazy. I went 3 straight weeks with no more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Pure exhaustion during the day. Afraid to take a nap, cause I wanted to sleep at night. The brain and body "shocks". Nausea, diarrhea, it was all there, full bore. If it wasn't for my faith, I really don't think I could have made it through all of the withdrawal symptoms. And my faith was put to the test!

It has been 5 weeks now since I have taken any Paxil. I still suffer from the brain and body "shocks". The insomnia is getting better. The anxiety attacks are fewer. I really haven't experienced the drastic mood swings because I have focused really hard on keeping that in check.

By now, I bet you're wondering why I'm writing about this. Well, if there is anyone out there contemplating getting off Paxil, you have a friend. I highly recommend "googling" paxil withdrawal symptoms and reading up on it. Talk to your doctor about it. Get a reduction plan in place. DON'T JUST DO IT! I am living proof! It is tough. I am blessed with having a good therapist and an awesome support staff in my Christian brothers and sisters here in Lockney that have been there for me every step of the way. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. Talk to me about it. I am not an expert, but I am a pretty good listener.

First and foremost, get right with God! He will also guide you. He will not leave you hanging. Trust me, if it weren't for God's grace, and my faith in that, I would have probably already gotten back on the stuff.

What Is a Restoration Church?

One other thing about me. I have attended Church of Christ congregations all my life. I have a very rich Church of Christ heritage. My kinfolks helped to establish what is now the West College and 3rd congregation here in Lockney. I have been, all my life, until January 2007, been hung up in the legalism of the church. You've heard the comments, "we're the only one's going to heaven" and the jokes:
Jesus walking a new comer through Heaven, down the hall. He walks by a room and they are singing and dancing and just having fun. The newcomer asks, "who's that in there?" and Jesus says, "that's the Methodist". On down the hall a little farther they walk by another room, same thing, singing dancing, folks having fun. The new comer again asks Jesus "who's that?" and Jesus replies, "that's the Baptist". On down the hall a little farther to the last room. It was dead silent in there. People on their hands and knees praying. The new comer asks again "who's in there?" and Jesus replies "that's the Church of Christ bunch. They think they're the only one's here".

First off, I know first hand that Jesus hates division! Matthew 12:25 "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." So if that's true, How come, in Lockney, Texas, do we have 2 churches here. A town of less than 2000 in population and 2 churches of Christ. I have heard my grandad for years bash the Main Street congregation here (which by the way, is where I worship today! LOL!) for having sunday school and a kitchen! Under the same roof! Now the West College bunch has a kitchen, and I can remember all the controversy it caused in the mid 60's when they built the existing building. So they built it under a different roof. How's that for legalism? Are we worshipping a building? OR are we worshipping God. I hear the present day legalist claim that our Sunday morning classes are a "called meeting of worship, by the Elders of the congregation". Where does that come from? Oh, and women teach Sunday school. OK! I"M GUILTY! I"M A MAN! I HAVE NEVER TAUGHT ONE DAY OF SUNDAY SCHOOL! NEVER FELT THE NEED! I WAS TOO LAZY!!!!! Is she getting up and addressing the congregation during worship? NO! LOL! And what are the ladies trying to teach? Little kids to love Jesus. Because there are a large number of us, not only in the church, but in the world too, that has not taken even one evening a month to teach our own flesh and blood children about Jesus Christ. Most of what I have been taught was the rules and regs of the church. Not anything to do with Christ, his blood, or the fact that the Tomb is still empty!

OK! Sorry, got off on a tangent there. I listen to about 6 or 7 different brothers on my ipod that preach the Gospel. Jay Don Poindexter, my preacher and dear friend here in Lockney. John W. Smith Broken Bow, Ok, Paul Shero of San Angelo, Trey Morgan Childress, Texas, Gary Smith of the Fifth Ward Church of Christ - Houston, Bill Watkins, Dan Rouse, Richard Rogers (He's with Jesus now, but you can still get his recording at Sunset), i could go on. I have a series of lessons from John W. Smith http://www.johnwsmith.com/ on "What is a Restoration Church?". I highly recommend everyone getting a set of these from John and listening to them at least 8-10 times. I get something else out of them every time I listen to them. In one of his lessons in this series, John talks about "Our Worship". How we need to "investigate and understand" what the Gospel message is! We can't just keep explaining the worship thing away by saying, "they do it to attract people". If that's so, what are we doing as a church to attract those people? John gives 4 reasons why we don't. Now if your a legalist in the church, you better sit down cause this is going to sting a bit! It did me!

1. Cop out! We as a church lack motivation for getting out of our comfort zone. I can remember my granddad completely losing it one time for a kid that got up and starting leading a song during the passing of the contribution plate!!!! Think about that.

2. We could do A LOT MORE that would attract more people to the Gospel and still be within the parameters of scripture. The first one that comes to my mind is to "love the unlovable"!

3. We have got to start "believing" that the Gospel has not lost it's power.

4. Preaching, teaching and believing what the Gospel says is true. It is! The Gospel is good news!!!!!! Tell somebody about it.

Denomination has done more to "please the customer" than what the church has. We have a "love it or leave" mentality. And that's just plain ole wrong!

Thanks for reading this!

Preston