Have you ever thought about what this country looked like 100 years go? I have visioned it several times. My great-granddad came to Floyd county horseback in the early 1900's. He left the story behind that when he came up the caprock escarpment that the grass was stirrup high and it would make you see sick the way it waved in the wind.

I have been on a couple of grass fires in the eastern part of the county at night. I sat and thought about what it must have been like 100 years ago when you had a fire. It creeping ever so close. Hoping the wind would change directions or the neighbors would show up to help put it out.

The buffalo in the picture are between Cimmaron and Springer, New Mexico. When we passed them, I again found myself wondering. Thinking about what it must have been like when the buffalo roamed freely.

God is GOOD! He must have known I needed to live in the era I live in. BUT,I often wonder what it was like during the dust bowl, the depression, and the "breaking out" of Floyd county. What the first irrigation well was like. The first cotton grown on the south plains.

Happy Thoughts!

Love you all!

Preston

The Chief Drive-In

I have fond memories of the Chief Drive-In. I spent many a Friday and Saturday nights there. Sitting on the back row with our pickups pointing away from the screen so that we could sit on the tailgate and watch the movie. Dippin' snuff and probably doing some other things we shouldn't have been doing. We would park to where we could get the speakers from both post on either side and hear the movie. Way more socializing went on there. Mr. Kinnaman would have to come out and "quiet us down" from time to time. He never raised his voice, he would just say "quiet down please". And we would. If we had a date we would park towards the front so that, if we wanted to, watch from the seat. LOL! There was also a place inside the concession area where we could go "inside" and sit. It was almost as good as going to Vernon or to Wichita Falls to the "inside" picture show theater. I can remember going there and sitting inside and seeing "Saturday Night Fever" when I was in Jr. High. Our parents would pull into the drive-in and drop us off and leave us till the movie was over. My dad farmed the land that was around the theater while we were in jr. high and high school. I can remember cutting wheat when I was about 12 one night and the show was "Truckstop Mama". Mom moved the supper wagon to where we couldn't see that one! LOL! I remember seeing the original "Star Wars" there. "Urban Cowboy", "One Flew Over The Cookoo's Nest", and many more that I can't remember.

I remember when I was a freshman. I was plowing the field there at the drive-in and Mr. Kinnaman bringing me out a Slush Puppie. He had just gotten the machine and wanted to know what I thought.

What was a landmark for many years in Quanah is gone. Good memories and Good times! Thank you God for allowing us to have "The Chief" for as long as you did!

Love you all!

Preston

Wild Goose Chases

Have you ever been on a wild goose chase? Or, better yet, snipe hunting? We used to go snipe hunting as a kid and had tons of fun with it. I don't remember the first snipe hunt I went on, but I do remember a few of the times that I did. We used to get these paper sacks, go out in the country, along with some unsuspecting friends (mainly females!!! LOL!), run around in the dark and throw a rock or something similar in to the sack and yell "I got one!". It was very entertaining. and lots of fun.

Life, I think, is sometimes like a "snipe hunt". In a sense, faith is that way. You know it's there, You feel like you have it. But yet, in this form, you can't see feel or touch it. You just got to believe! It's there, It's real, and how awesome it will be some day.

Love you all!!!

Preston

Here we go!

Ok, This is a picture taken less than 100 yards from my mom's house Thursday June, 5. This picture is looking from the south to the north, on the south side of the overpass at Acme. This twister is basically on top of her house. I'm not real sure, but the tops of the trees that you can see are the trees I spent all day Saturday hauling off.

God's power is awesome. I love to chase storms, for nothing else but, to just see the power that we have no control over.

Mom and Dad were there when this thing hit. She described to me the rage of the wind and then the "calm". and then the pure fury that unleashed. Thankfully, and I am thankful!, the storm spared their lives. But God knocked on the door!!! I just sit and marvel at the beauty of the storm. If you didn't know what was going on inside the funnel, you would think that God is just putting his finger there. LOL! That's what it looks like to me. And who knows? Maybe His finger is there to protect Mom and Dad from the storm! An awesome thought anyway.

It also makes me wonder back in Noah's day, what the storm looked like. Was it just a calm country rain that lasted for 40 days? Or was there tornadoes and hurricanes and wind? Can you imagine what Noah must have thought? "Hey boys! Take a look at this! Water's falling from the sky! WAIT! Look at that thing over there, I can see it spinning, OH NO, it just took out Charlie's house and barn! What an awesome God we have!"

Now, I deal with farmers all day. We either don't get enough rain, too much rain, rain is too late or too early. But you know what, I have never not seen it rain when we didn't need it. And the storms that comes with it? We think of those folks as being "victims". A couple of years ago, all we heard about was "Katrina victims". We think of ourselves as being victims when we get hailed out. But just think of the folks that just might get a better understanding of who God is! Despite what Homeland Security and FEMA can do!!!

Just a thought!!

Preston

Standing on the Promises of God!

I know, I'm doubling up today. But I had a thought that I wanted to share with ya'll.



Standing on the Promises of God!



What a statement! What are we standing on if we're not standing on those promises? Here's a few examples that come to mind:

1. Our jobs. What promise do we have there?

2. Our success. What is our success if we're not standing on His promises?

3. The world. The world would like us to think that our promises are anywhere but in HIM.

4. Our Government. Now, Hillary is going to gives us a whopping .18 cents on our fuel for July! Now there's a promise! LOL!

5. Ourselves. I don't know how many times I have been let down by my own promises.

6. Our families. Although they mean well, those promises fall from time to time.

7. Our friends. Again, our good friends mean well but they still have psuedopromises.

8. My college degree. What promises are there?

9. Our possessions. In the event of a tornado or fire they are gone!

10. Law. Now that's a deep subject there. But law promises us nothing!



Now let's look at a few promises God has given.

1. Sancitfication

2. Grace

3. Mercy

4. Dead to sin

5. Faith

6. A heavenly place prepared for us.

7. The Holy Spirit to live in us.

8. Righteousness

9. Cleanliness

10. Success



I can look at these list, very incomplete list, and see which promises I want to stand on!



Ok it's song time!



598.....Five hundred ninty-eight.... Standing on the Promises!



Standing on the promises of Christ my King, Thro' eternal ages let his praises ring: Glory in the highest I will shout and sing, standing on the promises of God.



Standing on the promises that cannot fail, When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail, By the living word of God I shall prevail, Standing on the promises of God.



Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord, Bound to him eternally by love's strong cord, Overcoming daily by the Spirit's sword, Standing on the promises of God.



Standing on the promises I cannot fail, List'ning every moment to the Spirit's call, Resting in my Savior as my all in all, Standing on the promises of God.



Chorus: Standing, standing, Standing on the promises of God, Standing, Standing, I'm standing on the promises of God.



I struggle in standing in the right promises daily. Just a little something for those of you have share in my struggles!!!



Love all of you!



P

What A Pretty Morning!

WOW! It is amazing what a cool, calm morning does for the soul! It is very soothing after the past week of 100+ temps and 40 mph winds. Our crops need some relief, but God knows that too. He has always blessed us!

I guess the morning just reminds me of God's grace for us. One of my favorite Grace stories is found in Luke 7:36-5o.

Jesus was invited to a pharisee's house for supper one night. He wasn't really invited over for supper, I think the self righteous pharisee just want to try and condemn Jesus in some way! Get it in your mind that in that day they didn't sit on chairs at the table. In my mind, I picture the table being less that a floor tall. Everyone is at the table for supper. With their feet stuck out behind them leaning on one elbow or the other so that you could eat with the other hand.

Now, a woman enters into the house. By the reactions of the pharisee, she must have been a sinner. (JUST LIKE ME I might add) A woman of the night. Someone that had spent her nights pleasing men. Now, I wonder how the pharisee knew who she was. OK! She comes in, comes to the feet of Jesus weeping. She let her tears fall on his feet. Then she took her long hair and wiped them off. She takes out her most prized possession, an alabaster jar of perfume and began to anoint Jesus' feet with the perfume.

Now the pharisee is just thinking in his mind "does He know who's at his feet?" Jesus turns to the woman and, just as the man had spoken to Jesus, Jesus explains grace. He tells him a story of two men who had owed money, one just a couple of bucks, the other several thousand bucks. And the loan officer forgave both of them for their debt. Which is most gracious of the actions of the banker. Of course the guy who owed the several thousand,

Jesus turns to the woman and continues to speak. "Do you see this woman?" "I came to your house, you didn't offer to wash me feet. You didn't kiss me, and you didn't put any oil on my head." (all customs of the day) "Do you SEE this woman?" I can see her. All I have to do is look in the mirror!

Then Jesus looks at her and says "your sins are forgiven".

By grace, God's grace, Her sins were forgiven!

How cool is that!!!!!!!!

P

Hold to God's Unchanging Hand

Ok, I confess and repent at the same time. I am really struggling this morning so I am having to dig real deep for Faith today. I know it's there, just gotta get a knot tied off! Seems like the Paxil withdrawals are (along with satan I'm sure) poking their evil head up this morning. But you know what? I will survive this thing and God is with me. And you know who's right there beside him, interceding on my behalf? That's right! Jesus is! How do I know this? This verifiable, historical document, THE BIBLE, tells me so.

Go to Acts 7. You gotta get this image in your head. Stephen, a Christian man, "a man full of God's grace and power" (Acts6:8), has been standing before the supreme court of the time. They are really grilling him about his faith and some of the miracles he had performed. So, Stephen was stating his case, when at the end of his statement, he really scolds this group. Acts 7:51"You stiff-necked people with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit! Was there ever a prophet your fathers did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous ONE. And now YOU have betrayed and murdered him-you who have received the law that was put into effect through angels but have not obeyed it."

WOW! Can you picture anyone standing before the supreme court and scolding them like this? Then the sanhedrin loses control. They were so mad that they grinded their teeth. Have you ever seen a wild boar hog that is trapped. He gnashes his teeth. Well this group was ANGRY, UPSET, MAD, well you get the picture.
Then look at what happens next. I want you to close your eyes and think about this for a minute.

Acts 7:55 But Stephen, Full of the Holy Spirit, looked up into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. v56 "LOOK" Stephen said "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!"

Well, you know the rest of the story, Stephen is beat/stoned to death and he is with Jesus right now. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the "close your eyes" deal. Lean back, take a deep breath, let it out, close your eyes. Can you see it? Can you see Jesus there at the right hand of God? He's there!

I say all this to you cause this really happened. It's verifiable. The Holy Spirit wrote it down for us. It's real. Jesus is there!

Also, with my struggles today, as I get through the necessities of my job today, it is an awesome picture to have in my mind.

Ok Here's my song!
244.....two hundred forty-four...... Hold to God's Unchanging Hand.

(brother Dee would give us a toot on his pitch pipe and a "DoSo")

Time is filled with swift transition-Naught of earth unmoved can stand-Build your hope on things eternal, Hold to God's unchanging hand.

Trust in him who will not leave you, What so ever years may bring, If by earthly friends forsaken, Still more closely to him cling.

Covet not this world's vain riches, That so rapidly decay, seek to gain the heavnly treasures, They will never pass away.

When your journey is complete, If to God you have been true, Fair and bright the home in glory, Your enraptured soul will view.

Refrain: Hold to God's unchanging hand! Hold to God's unchanging hand! Build you hopes on things eternal, Hold to God's unchanging hand.


Grab a hold and hang on!!!!!

Preston

A Beautiful Day!

What an awesome day. I hate that I missed the sunrise this morning but got some much needed "rest" last night.

Just some thoughts for the day!

One song this morning!

(in my song leaders voice, which I do not do! I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!)
821....eight-hundred twenty-one Hide Me, Rock of Ages!
I am skipping all the Base parts. If you know the song, you will hear them!

Oh thou blessed rock of ages, Trusting now dear lord in thee, Keep me till my journeys ended, Till thy blessed face I see.

Keep me when the storm clouds gather, Till the sun comes shining through, keep me till my work is over, Till I bid this world adieu.

When my journey is completed, And there's no more work to do, Savior guide my weary spirit, To the Happy land beyond the blue.

Refrain: Hide me O blessed rock of ages, Till thy blessed face I see, when the storm around me rages, Rock of ages hide thou me!!!

A beautiful, awesome praise to God to start your day! Hope it helps you as much as it is helping me! Keeping us focus on the goal today. Rom 8:28 (this is one of my favorites) And WE KNOW (that's you and I, we know) That in all things (not just in one or two, not just in the things we want him involved in, but ALL THINGS) God works for the good of those who love Him! Who have been called according to his purpose.

"We know", "all things", "those who love Him", "called according to His purpose". Follow me here. LOL! "We know" is to give us peace that WE know, that's what gets us through the day. "All things", every little thing right down to the breath of air we breath in and out to sustain life. "God works", He is always working to get us to him, we are His inheritance! "Those who love HIM", and we do! Without a doubt love and depend on him. "Called according to his purpose", Guess who that comes from? You are called! You are His purpose!!!!!

Peace!!!!
Preston

More Paxil Withdrawals

I share this with you because these withdrawal symptoms are for real.

If anyone who reads this is contemplating getting on Paxil or "weaning" (and I emphasize the weaning part) off of it, READ! There is tons of stuff on the net both ways. I probably didn't follow exact protocol in getting off.

I am learning that Paxil is one of the harshest anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs on the market. The side effects are harsh and the withdrawals are even worse.

My problem is that I don't want to take any kind of drug to help me "deal" with life. Some of my decisions I made in life warranted the "getting on" the drug. I just don't believe that God wired us to have to take these drugs daily to cope. HE IS ENOUGH! I am so glad that HE is in my life. I have an awesome support staff that is helping me through this.

Here are some links that you can read:
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/symptoms.htm
http://www.join-the-fun.com/paxil-withdrawal-symptoms.html
http://counsellingresource.com/medications/drug-pages/paroxetine.html
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/voices.htm
http://www.quitpaxil.org/Main/success.htm

This is a very harsh drug. The side effects and withdrawal symptoms are real!

I need your prayers in getting past these symptoms. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal! I have way too much to live for. I know that! I make lists nightly of things that I'm grateful for. And make list of answered prayers! They are good list. Satan rears his head up at goofy times. He had me once, but he's not getting me again!!!

Sorry for the seriousness of this blog today. I want this to be a "happy" place for people to come to and get lifted spiritually.

Also, if you are contemplating getting on or off of Paxil, talk to me. I'm not an expert by any means, but I am an "ear to hear".

Remember two thing here!
1. God doesn't make junk!
2. Jesus didn't die for junk!

Beautiful Songs

Ok, time to get the hymnal, or as I prefer "the song book" out.

776......Seven hundred seventy-six. "Will Your Anchor Hold"

Will your anchor hold in the storms of life, When the clouds unfold their wings of strife? When the strong tides lift, and the cables strain, Will your anchor drift, or firm remain?

It is safely moored, 'twill the storm withstand, for 'tis well secured by the saviors hand. And the cables passed from His heart to mine, Can defy the blast, thro' strength divine.

It will firmly hold in the straits of fear, When the breakers have told the reef is near, Tho' the tempest rave and the wild winds blow, Not an angry wave shall our bark o'er flow.

It will surely hold in the floods of death, When the waters cold chill our latest breath, On the rising tide it can never fail, While our hopes abide with-in the veil.

When our eyes behold thro' the gathring night The city of gold, our harbor bright, We shall anchor fast by the heav'nly shore, With the storm all past for evermore.

REFRAIN We have an anchor that keeps the soul Steadfast and sure while the billows roll, Fastened to the Rock which can not move, Grounded firm and deep in the Savior's love.


I have probably only sang this song 100 times in my life. But for some reason the words hit me this morning. Caused a tear or two to roll.

947....nine hundred forty-seven. "Jesus, Let us come to know you"

Jesus let us come to know You. Let us see You face to face. Touch us, use us, mold us: Only let is live in You.

Jesus draw us ever nearer; Hold us in Your loving arms. Wrap us in Your gentle presence, When the end comes, bring us home.

What more can you add to life from these two songs? Awesome prayers!

Have a good day!!
Preston

Wheat Harvest, Quanah style!

The girls and I went to Quanah this weekend to help with the clean up at her house after the storm Thursday.

As we drove through Goodlett Friday night, I was reminded of harvest time of my youth. All the harvesters or "wheaties" in town for the harvest. I was reminded of one group of "wheaties" that were close to my family. Dale Drohman and his family came to Hardeman county to custom harvest Woodrow Wilson's crop. He always had new Gleaner combines. If I remember right, he worked for Gleaner in the off season in their combine development program. They were from Scott City, Kansas.

As in any small town, when seasonal folks were in town, we all buzzed around to meet them. The girls from Quanah wanted to meet the "guys" that were in town. Us guys just wanted to meet Sherrie Drohman. She was Dale's daughter and worked in the family business as a truck driver. She was our age and "cute". We always went out to Goodlett for the couple of weeks they were here to "drag" main out there and to flirt with Sherrie. We would wait around at the elevator on purpose to just catch a glimpse. It was fun!!! I would get back to the field in our truck and take a tail chewing from dad on "why did it take you so long to get to the elevator and back?". I would reload and right back up there. LOL! It was fun.

Good memories! Good times!!!

I am Saul of Tarsus

By far, one of my favorite characters in the bible, is Paul. He comes complete with a history of persecuitng christians to saving the lost. He is and was a sinner to the bitter end.

I got the oportunity to portray him tonight before a group of kids. We just finished a very successful VBS tonight. We had 230 kids and adults attend. It was great! I had fun!

Success

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with the definition of "success" and what it means to me. I think I have put some meaning into that today:



To turn out well.

To obtain an object.



So many times, success has to do with earthly possessions. That's not it at all. I have tried my fool headed hardest to make it that. I have spent so much of my life trying to "please" everyone, and I mean everyone, that I lost touch with the true meaning. Success to me was to be every one's friend. For everyone to like "me". To please them all. It's a vicious circle. Like the "crazy wheel". My friend Kurt and I talk about women who are on the "crazy wheel". Those women who just can't seem to get enough of drama and craziness in their lives that they just keep going round and around.



I was on that crazy wheel for much of my life. I have stuck a stick in it a few times to try and make it stop, but the weight of "craziness" just snaps it off and starts rolling again. I have found that solid steel "brace" to make it stop. Christ. My faith, so many times, has been in me and what I could earn $ wise. What kind of toys I could or couldn't afford, but get them anyway. What my friends expected of me. What my granddad expected of me. Never what God expected of me. Never one time, did I ever stop to think "what would God's will" be?



I can't say that I have all the answers yet. Nor will I ever have "all" the answers. But in Christ Jesus, I am redeemed!



Let's visit what I have for a definition for success:



To turn out well. That's huge! To turn out "well" to me is my journey. This journey here on earth. James 4:13 and 14 sums it up! Now listen, (pay attention, James is about to say something important here) you who say, "today or tomorrow we will go to this city or that city, carry on business and make money". 14 Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? (here's the point) You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.



The King James version calls us a "vapour". A vapor.



Have you ever seen a release of anhydrous ammonia or Propane? The liquid is coming out of the hose near the release point. But just a few inches from there, the liquid turns to a vapor and then mixes with the atmosphere till you can't even smell it any more. A vapor. We are but a vapor. I like that! We won't be here for more than our allotted time. It is number well before we are conceived. See, God created us. He loves us, takes care of us, even when we don't want him to. He knew we were coming. We are his plan. And he knows when we are leaving this earth.



So to turn out well is getting to heaven! At all cost! And to make sure our kids get there.



To obtain an object. FAITH! Faith is the object. Our Faith is in our Hope. Our Faith is in the tomb! And It's still empty!!! Our faith is in a nail in each hand and one through the feet.

Romans 8:1 "Now, There is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus. FAITH! We can't touch it, we can't see it, we can't even taste it. But it's there.



I have to quit using words in my mind like "do my best" and "do all I can do". To do a good job per the situation.



Matthew 25:21 "His master replied 'well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master's happiness."

Just to be faithful with a few things. That is tough. But I will "do a good job per the situation".

In memory of Donnie Cruse

Just some random thoughts here at, well, almost noon!

I just laid to rest a dear friend and brother. Do you know where Flomot is? In case you don't, it's east of Lockney about 30 miles. "Off the Caprock" most of us say. It is a ghost of a community. Lots of Americana. 2 abandoned gins, an old school that has since been converted to a "community center", a small post office that has a crop insurance agency inside, and 2 churches. The 2 churches are what is keeping the community on the map. One is a Church of Christ the other a Baptist. Just good ole country folks left there.

Donnie Cruse has been my friend for 10 years now. I first met him on a turn row just east of Flomot with his brother Darrell. Farmers and ranchers and true Christian men. Their family is a benchmark for what "family" is all about. They chose to stay behind when many of their friends and neighbors left Flomot to seek success. To etch out a living and raise their children there.

Donnie was diagnosed with cancer about 5 years ago. He took some radiation and chemo treatments. Absolutely hated how it made him feel. He was a lover of the land. A true sportsman in every since of the word. Hunting and fishing with his "boys" and friends is what he lived for. And to teach people about Jesus. The small church where they worshipped was like taking a step back in time. A one room church building, nothing more than a place to worship. I helped them build the baptistry on about 6 years ago. Until then, if you wanted to obey the gospel, you went to a pool of water, either in a near by creek (if it had rained in the past week) or the swimming pool, in either Turkey or Roaring Springs.

Donnie chose a couple of years ago, when the cancer raised it's wicked head again, to bypass the treatments and just live! And Live every day for Christ he did.

There is a message here. I don't claim to know about all of the message. But what I came away with was this. There are only a few things of importance on this earth. Your relationship with God and your family. I haven't always lived the "perfect" life, but who has? I haven't always been the best husband and dad that I could have been. Today is a new day! I just got to make the best of what I do have. I have to continue in this walk with HIM, and make sure that my kids know I love them and that they know who God is and why he sent His son.

Thank You!

Thank You, God, For loving me! You made your only Son sin for me.


I know you know that. I just can't even begin to understand it.

Just, Thanks!!!!

I love you and need you!

Preston

Eagles Live

I'm not real sure about the year this album was released. Eagles Live! During my run tonight, I got to thinking how many different formats I have listened to this album on. I can remember that I was a sophomore in high school when I first owned the "album". I then got it on 8-track so that I could listen while "draggin main" in Quanah. Sometime during my senior year, we got cassette players in our rides. I will never forget my step-dad telling us "they will never stop making 8-tracks!". He thought we had lost our minds for buying stereos for our pickups that had cassette players. So I had to get Eagles Live on cassette! MANY years later, I bought a car that had a cd player in it. So, guess what! Eagles Live it was as my first CD purchase. (it was just last year that this happened) Now I have it on my ipod.

What a scream!


preston

Ok, Not so serious today!

In Lockney right now it is 104 and the wind is blowing about 40 mph! It's like a convection oven out there!

Just some random stuff today.

Romans 8:1
Therefore, there is NOW NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!

Just how does that make you feel? It makes me feel redeemed! I can face the rest of the day!

1 john 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that WE should be called Children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that IT did not know him!

How cool is that? He so loves us that we can be called His children! I'm not worthy, but I like it!


Thanks for reading today!!!

Preston

Paxil Withdrawals

Let me tell you a "short" story on how I came to be on Paxil, 6 years ago. The summer of 2002, to say the least, was traumatic. Let's back up a year. In August of 2001, I was terminated from a position and company that I loved. I started a new job on September 10, 2001, for a long time competitor. Then we all know what happened to us all the next day. I had a step-brother and two close friends that traveled extensively in their jobs. It was well after noon that day before I found all of them safe and sound, one stranded in the Houston airport, but safe. On Thanksgiving day, my favorite grandmother suddenly had, what we think, was a heart attack. She and my grandfather were in Albuquerque for the holiday. She had passed before paramedics could arrive. In February, I had a visit! An 18 year old boy showed up at my doorstep one night. He was my son! I didn't even know he existed till then. In August of that same year, my granddad moved a woman into his home, outside of marriage, and ran all of us grandkids away. In the mean time, I was in an abusive marriage (just now figuring this out) and reached the end of my rope. My wife told me I was going to have to get some help or she was leaving. I got counseling, and, began the "medicating" of my brain.

I started out on Paxil. Moved up to max dosage in about 2 months. I will admit, Paxil helped me to focus, stop my "anxiety attacks", and helped me in my walk with God. After about 2 years, everything started going flat. I had lost my competitive edge, a desire to "be good" and become just really flat, some say I was depressed. So we changed to Celexa, welbutrin, and one other that I can't remember (not all of these at once, just trying to find one that fit). Now, I am a man, so remember the sexual side effects thing. I finally settled on Celexa. It kinda fit everything but not really. If that makes sense.

Roll forward to the 2nd week in December 2006. My wife tells me that she does not want me to go with her to her parents for Christmas that year. That she needs some time to "think". She tells me that she's not real sure that she loves me any more. So, still on the drug, I go into this panic mode. "What have I done?". She leaves Christmas morning for her parents. I stay at home all that week, beating myself up for failing in my marriage. She comes home New Years Eve to tell me she wants a divorce. More panic on my part and complete disbelief. I am grasping at anything to "stay alive". Don't misunderstand, there were no "suicidal thoughts", just "why is this happening to me" kinda stuff. I go back for more professional therapy and back to Paxil. Because Paxil is "very anxiety focused" type of drug. I find Jesus, and latch onto the Gospel for the first time in my life. Now remember, I was raised up in the Church, but never understood OR was taught what the Gospel was all about. Even though I was in crisis mode, I never felt better about my sanctification. The Paxil came to my rescue again. Partly (I am convinced) because of my new found faith in Christ, and the Paxil, All was good for a while. The divorce was final on May 9th. In late October of 2007, I was approached, by a well established company, to go to work for them. So, I did. Life could not have been better. Then I began this "flattening out" mode again. Again, I think I am depressed again. I have no competitiveness about me, no real desires, just in a survival mode. I change therapist because, obviously, I'm heading back down the same ole road again. She begins to explain the effects of Paxil, long term. The flatness, the "just survive", dead head scenario. Makes sense to me, so I began to take myself off the Paxil. I start by taking 1/2 dose for 2 weeks, then I am headed to Dallas for a meeting and I forgot to bring my Paxil with me. So, I decide to just "quit" taking it now.

I am so glad that I have made it thus far in life with the only real habit I have is Copenhagen. Cause had I known what this ride was going to be like, I don't think i would have done it. In some of the web sights they call it "extremely vivid" dreams? It is nothing other than hallucinations. I would wake up screaming, thinking there were people in my room "watching" me sleep. The insomnia is crazy. I went 3 straight weeks with no more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Pure exhaustion during the day. Afraid to take a nap, cause I wanted to sleep at night. The brain and body "shocks". Nausea, diarrhea, it was all there, full bore. If it wasn't for my faith, I really don't think I could have made it through all of the withdrawal symptoms. And my faith was put to the test!

It has been 5 weeks now since I have taken any Paxil. I still suffer from the brain and body "shocks". The insomnia is getting better. The anxiety attacks are fewer. I really haven't experienced the drastic mood swings because I have focused really hard on keeping that in check.

By now, I bet you're wondering why I'm writing about this. Well, if there is anyone out there contemplating getting off Paxil, you have a friend. I highly recommend "googling" paxil withdrawal symptoms and reading up on it. Talk to your doctor about it. Get a reduction plan in place. DON'T JUST DO IT! I am living proof! It is tough. I am blessed with having a good therapist and an awesome support staff in my Christian brothers and sisters here in Lockney that have been there for me every step of the way. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. Talk to me about it. I am not an expert, but I am a pretty good listener.

First and foremost, get right with God! He will also guide you. He will not leave you hanging. Trust me, if it weren't for God's grace, and my faith in that, I would have probably already gotten back on the stuff.

What Is a Restoration Church?

One other thing about me. I have attended Church of Christ congregations all my life. I have a very rich Church of Christ heritage. My kinfolks helped to establish what is now the West College and 3rd congregation here in Lockney. I have been, all my life, until January 2007, been hung up in the legalism of the church. You've heard the comments, "we're the only one's going to heaven" and the jokes:
Jesus walking a new comer through Heaven, down the hall. He walks by a room and they are singing and dancing and just having fun. The newcomer asks, "who's that in there?" and Jesus says, "that's the Methodist". On down the hall a little farther they walk by another room, same thing, singing dancing, folks having fun. The new comer again asks Jesus "who's that?" and Jesus replies, "that's the Baptist". On down the hall a little farther to the last room. It was dead silent in there. People on their hands and knees praying. The new comer asks again "who's in there?" and Jesus replies "that's the Church of Christ bunch. They think they're the only one's here".

First off, I know first hand that Jesus hates division! Matthew 12:25 "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." So if that's true, How come, in Lockney, Texas, do we have 2 churches here. A town of less than 2000 in population and 2 churches of Christ. I have heard my grandad for years bash the Main Street congregation here (which by the way, is where I worship today! LOL!) for having sunday school and a kitchen! Under the same roof! Now the West College bunch has a kitchen, and I can remember all the controversy it caused in the mid 60's when they built the existing building. So they built it under a different roof. How's that for legalism? Are we worshipping a building? OR are we worshipping God. I hear the present day legalist claim that our Sunday morning classes are a "called meeting of worship, by the Elders of the congregation". Where does that come from? Oh, and women teach Sunday school. OK! I"M GUILTY! I"M A MAN! I HAVE NEVER TAUGHT ONE DAY OF SUNDAY SCHOOL! NEVER FELT THE NEED! I WAS TOO LAZY!!!!! Is she getting up and addressing the congregation during worship? NO! LOL! And what are the ladies trying to teach? Little kids to love Jesus. Because there are a large number of us, not only in the church, but in the world too, that has not taken even one evening a month to teach our own flesh and blood children about Jesus Christ. Most of what I have been taught was the rules and regs of the church. Not anything to do with Christ, his blood, or the fact that the Tomb is still empty!

OK! Sorry, got off on a tangent there. I listen to about 6 or 7 different brothers on my ipod that preach the Gospel. Jay Don Poindexter, my preacher and dear friend here in Lockney. John W. Smith Broken Bow, Ok, Paul Shero of San Angelo, Trey Morgan Childress, Texas, Gary Smith of the Fifth Ward Church of Christ - Houston, Bill Watkins, Dan Rouse, Richard Rogers (He's with Jesus now, but you can still get his recording at Sunset), i could go on. I have a series of lessons from John W. Smith http://www.johnwsmith.com/ on "What is a Restoration Church?". I highly recommend everyone getting a set of these from John and listening to them at least 8-10 times. I get something else out of them every time I listen to them. In one of his lessons in this series, John talks about "Our Worship". How we need to "investigate and understand" what the Gospel message is! We can't just keep explaining the worship thing away by saying, "they do it to attract people". If that's so, what are we doing as a church to attract those people? John gives 4 reasons why we don't. Now if your a legalist in the church, you better sit down cause this is going to sting a bit! It did me!

1. Cop out! We as a church lack motivation for getting out of our comfort zone. I can remember my granddad completely losing it one time for a kid that got up and starting leading a song during the passing of the contribution plate!!!! Think about that.

2. We could do A LOT MORE that would attract more people to the Gospel and still be within the parameters of scripture. The first one that comes to my mind is to "love the unlovable"!

3. We have got to start "believing" that the Gospel has not lost it's power.

4. Preaching, teaching and believing what the Gospel says is true. It is! The Gospel is good news!!!!!! Tell somebody about it.

Denomination has done more to "please the customer" than what the church has. We have a "love it or leave" mentality. And that's just plain ole wrong!

Thanks for reading this!

Preston